Resources - Cortex Classics

Welcome to Cortex Classics, the (Lex Lang approved!) ultimate place to look for Neo Cortex voicelines (starring the one and only Lex Lang)!
Use CTRL+F to find lines you need. Right click on the player and "Save audio file as" to download the voiceline.

Crash Twinsanity Demo
Crash Twinsanity
Crash Tag Team Racing
Crash Tag Team Racing Demo (Deleted Lines)
Crash of the Titans (PS2/Wii/360)
Crash of the Titans (DS)
Crash: Mind over Mutant (PS2/Wii/360)
Comic-Con 2013 Lex Lang Panel
Crash Tag Team Racing Credits
Crash of the Titans Credits
Crash: Mind Over Mutant Credits
Crash Twinsanity Media
Crash of the Titans Trailers
Crash Tag Team Racing FMV's
Crash of the Titans (PS2/Wii/360) Cutscenes
Crash: Mind over Mutant FMV's
Skylanders Imaginators
Skylanders Imaginators FMV's
Crash Bandicoot N.Sane Trilogy
Crash Team Racing Nitro-Fueled


"His plans once more thwarted by that moronic marsupial, Dr. Cortex takes on Crash in a no holds barred fistfight, mano-a-bandicooto! Little do they know the perils that await them in Cavern Catastrophe!"

"Yes grandma, I'm eating properly... Yes, I've- I've really gotta go. Yes. I'll see you soon! Bye bye!"

"In this scene, Dr. Cortex uses a clever ruse in order to lure Crash into a trap. But nothing goes to plan where Crash is concerned. In fact, it's a real Jungle Bungle."

"Poor Dr. Cortex, his plans in ruins. Just when he's on his knees, Mother Nature kicks him in the... uh - you know where. Crash must race to keep his sworn enemy safe from harm! Why? Find out as we endure Totem Hokum!"

"Welcome freeloaders, geeks and nerds to my Iceberg Lair! I am Dr. Neo Cortex, star of the Crash Bandicoot videogame franchise. Join me as we play excerpts from the latest installment: Crash Bandicoot Twinsanity! First, a word from our sponsors."

"Kill her."

"Brainless bandicoot!"

"The crystal is mine!"

"Let go!"


"It's easy! All too easy..."

"Ah yes, the ol' alma mater. As a former student myself, I'm well acquainted with the many secrets this institution holds."

"Ugh, I'll take it from here. Get back to the airship! Make sure its mooring ropes are secure!"

"Surprised to see me, Crash? Like the fleas in your fur, I keep coming back! Three years I've spent alone in the frozen antarctic waste. And I've missed you... And so I've organized a little gathering, like a birthday party - except - the exact opposite. And look, ALL of your friends are here. You are so very popular.. Let's start handing out the presents!"
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"Alley hop! *giggle* It's true, blondes DO have more fun!"

"AAH! Keep back you weak minded fool, avert your gaze or you'll go CRYSTAL CRAZY!"

"Your fur is so soft... and warm... Evil Crash! No!"


"Come on, follow me Crash! Stay close and do what I do!"

"You have to help me Crash! You heard them - they want to destroy our island home! Humiliate them, slave you, and steal my brain! How I envy the simple life of the tribesfolk... Living in harmony with Mother Nature... The noble boar, the humble bumble bee... AUGH!"

"I've never been so humiliated. No amount of treasure can ever begin to compensate..."

"I'm stuck!"

"Before you rises a cathedral of diabolical genius! Scary, but in the wrong hands this Iceberg Lair could do much... goodness in the world. Of course only I have the key. Observe... Hnnnnngh! Follow me! I know... another way."

"Meet your brand new, hydraulically operated, twin brother, Mecha Bandicoot! How was I, N.Gin? (Dr. Cortex, you were magnificent!) Of course I was, you fool! Initiate missle attack!"

"Mighty Uka Uka!"

"My airship! Without it we're stranded! Tie it to something secure I said! Hurry Nina, or you'll miss the bus!"

"Coming through! Ladies... Excuse me, madam... Are those real? Mother?"

"My crystals..."

"Come now as we explore A NEW DIMENSION! It should've been two new dimensions, but we ran out of time..."

"Sleep soundly Nina and don't fear the night, with its long claws that scratch and its sharp teeth that bite. Under the covers there's no need to hide, for your uncle's a monster, and he's on YOUR side! Ahh! Nina! My adorable young niece! My my, you're getting big! And sneaky... Put it there, little lady. Ugh! I see they need some adjustment, let me take a look. Okay young lady, let's see what you've learned."

"I'm an evil scientist, what did you expect? This isn't a game."

"They found us! To the airship, quickly!"

"My daughter-err... niece! We must do something... Think Cortex, think!"

"Ruined! Thanks to perky here... It must be repaired, and only one person can help! My niece, Nina Cortex. Isn't she delightful? Obviously, I've made a few modifications here, and there... Quickly! To my private dirigible. Set a course for Madame Amberly's Academy of Evil!"

"Ahh! I'm okay! The spikes broke my fall."

"Now be careful not to let him spin back the green plasma blast. Three fault hits and we're done for. If only he knew..."

"Victor and Moritz's stronghold of evil. This is where we wrong the rights, and sweep the past under the rug."

"There they are. Let her go! Take me instead! AAH!"

"We require six power crystals in order to make the leap and we have... four. Hmm, let's see... That isn't enough! All is lost... Unless!"

"THIS... is the Psychetron. Gateway to the infinite dimensions. Beyond our universe, somewhere betweeen the ninth and eleventh dimensions lies the mysterious tenth dimension. And there we must go in order to confront the Evil Twins (steal the riches) and restore the natural order of things (with me on top)!"

"There! To the sea I tell you! Our salvation floats upon the briny blue. We must reach N.Gin's battleship before it sets sail, but how? Think Cortex, think!"

"Oh my, I almost forgot - the treasure! (Our treasure. Yes, we are rich!) That treasure is stolen property. (Ain't a little late to develop a conscience doctor?) Personally, I don't care. But I think *he* might want his gems back... Heh, hmm..."

"Hit spin and then circle to throw me over there. Trust me, we're pals, right?"

"(Dr. Cortex, what have you done?! Who are these evil upstarts?!) I've ruined the lives of so many, I can't be expected to remember them all! (Such a big head, such a tiny brain. If we deliver him to the Evil Twins, perhaps they will spare us.) But they'll kill me! (That's a risk I'm willing to take!") Crash, I've been like a father to you. I created you, nursed you, tried to destroy you... So what do you say? With my mighty intellect and your vacuum stupidity we'll be unbeatable!"
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"Well well, a power crystal."

"The check bounced, are you sure? Well, the past few years have kinda been slow, Wrath of Cortex didn't do as well as we'd hoped, and..."

"(Dingo language) I have no idea what you just said."

"(You are in detention!) Madame Amberly! (So, crybaby Cortex is all grown up. I see you've found employment as a barber.) I'm an evil scientist! (A scientist, are we? To me, you'll always be a little worm!)"

"Meet me on Level B, I have something to show you."

"The doors! Close them, quickly!"

"Come along!"

"This is from Tiny."

"This is from Dingodile."

"Ripper Roo, you shouldn't have!"

"Pinstripe! How thoughtful."

"Oh dear, two of the same! But don't worry, I kept the receipt."

"Here's one gift you can return!"

"Give it to me!"

"The crystal is mine!"

"Brainless Bandicoot, let go!"

"Meddling mammal!"

"Mercy, mercy!"

"Naughty dog, naughty dog!"

"Out of ammo!"

"Spin me if you like, but I'll never give up my crystal!"

"This way!"

"To the Psychetron!"


"Ugh, this ought not happen to a Cortex!"

"I just adore that sound. Don't you?"

"You must be Agent double-oh zero, licensed to miss."

"Make way for agent beauty!"

"Oh, the agony of defeat!"

"Mine, mine, all mine!"

"It's juvie all over again."

"You ain't all that!"

"Back, you animals!"

"Can you sense the antici... pation?"

"Yes, yes, hold your applause. Just throw loose change and social security checks."

"Augh! I lost my ATM card!"

"Just back off man!"

"Now tell me how my backside looks. Tell me!"

"Oh, I did a bad thing. Hehe."

"My my, so many balloons of hope for me to pop."

"Is it time for my barefoot shiatsu yet?"

"Hugh! I swallowed my beard!"

"May the best cheat win!"

"I always WAS the best student at Evil Medical School."

"Better luck next time, loser!"

"Better me than any of those other nitwits."

"This had better work!"

"Woohoo! I'm a big beautiful bird!"

"Oh, it's you Crash. Look, there's something fishy going on here, and I don't mean the salmon churros. I need to do a little sneaking around, but I can't, because... My head's too big! I mean look at me. I stick out like a chocolate bar in a swimming pool! If I'm going to get to the bottom of this, I need you to get me something black and slimming to wear. I don't want my butt to look so big!"

"Send a bill to the office!"

"Alrighty, my bladder is full and I'm feeling desperate!"

"You'll probably blame me for this, won't you?"

"Crash, what a surprise! I have a blaster gun with your name on it. Wait here."

"Nobody makes me bleed from there!"

"Take that, animatronic boobie!"

"Where on earth am I going to keep all this booty?"

"I bore easily, do try to keep up."

"Bow before the master of speed and deliquency!"

"Always a bridesmaid and never... uh, nevermind."

"Wait, wait, I'm not buckled in!"

"Uh oh, that burrito in making an encore visit!"

"Excuse me buster, but where were you when they went over the rules?"

"I knew I shouldn't have tossed that bus transfer."

"After I win, I want to be hand fed grapes and drink lots of creamy soda."

"Hey there buddy! This isn't California you know!"

"I'm calling my mommy on you!"

"Next time just call in sick."

"Woohoo! I can see my house from here!"

"You can't do that to me! Noone can!"

"Cry all you want, I can't hear you! Lalalalalala!"

"Chalk off another boobie!"

"Now now, I shall donate all of my winnings to a most deserving charity - ME!"

"Choke on my exhaust, pedestrian scum!"

"That's not a way to treat a man on his way to church!"

"Close, but no lung cigar."

"Now the circle of pain is complete."

"The clock is ticking. Stop the ticking!"

"That was a close shave. With razor bumps!"

"Oh, uhm, Coco did it."

"Crash, why are you back here?! You're making me VERY... uh, you're making your sister sad."

"Oh good, it will make your sister SO happy."

"Oh Crash! Uhm, Coco asked me to get this car working for her, but it's missing a key engine component. If you find a set of high quality gears, could you bring them to me?"

"Another for the collection!"

"Oh, I get it. One of us is supposed to come in first."

"Mad scientist, coming through!"

"Well I will most surely lodge a complaint at city hall."

"Okay, where's the newest concession stand?"

"Hmm, I must have my contacts checked."

"My heavens, we got us a convoy!"

"Cortex giveth, and Cortex taketh away!"

"Why did I ever remove that wonderful cow catcher?"

"Crash, you blithering imbecillic boob! How am I supposed to destro... HELP you bandicoots without enough power crystals?! Get moving hairball!"

"They don't build crates like they used to."

"Crumble, you fool!"

"Crystals are a doctor's best friend."

"I knew I shouldn't have woken up this morning! Curses me!"

"If only my daddy had not dropped me on my soft spot..."

"And daddy thought I would amount to nothing."

"Who's your daddy?"

"How do you like it on the dark side, huh?"

"Where's your sense of decency, man?"

"With this, I will do pathetically horrible deeds."

"Yes! Like a deer in the headlights!"

"Soon, you will all taste the sour conception of defeat!"

"Yes, yes! Don't bother me Crash. Can't you see I'm working on your demise? The nerve."

"Ooh, I hope there's something devilish in there."

"Hey buddy, could you spare a dime?"

"I made shoes out of Dingodile!"

"Burn baby, burn! Like a disco inferno!"

"I'll take the rest in a doggy bag."

"I don't deserve THIS!"

"Donde Esta Mis Pantlones?" ("Where are my pants?", thanks ProjectCarthage)

"Don't try that at home kiddies!"

"Honestly, it's not the glory I'm after. It's the cash."

"Ouch, ouch, and double ouches!"

"Little do they know, I flunked driver's ed."

"Break a one nine, here comes rubber ducky! (?????)"

"Really? You should go and find an easier target than me."

"Why can't I get the elbow room I deserve?!"


"I shouldn't enjoy this so much."

"Heavens! I enjoyed that too much!"

"Perhaps my evil plan needs to be evil-er. Um, yeah."

"Ah, to think I was top of my class in Evil Medical School."

"In the battle between good and evil, evil always wins. Because good is dumb."

"Oh, how excellent."

"I'm so glad that Uka Uka is not in this game, that floating fascist."

"Is that any way to treat a feeble old man?"

"Have I defeated the feeble forces of good yet?"

"Wow, that felt good!"

"Ugh! Why are you still here and talking to me Crash? Go! Go on! Fetch!"

"Now how did that not end in a fiery death?"

"Fill 'er up and check my oil!"

"I wonder where I get my film processed here."

"Oh, long firm power crystals to fuel my new rampaging creation. Meet me on the racetracks Crash, and I will show you a REAL car."

"Flame on!"

"If madmen were meant to fly, our cheeks would be filled with helium!"

"Attention everyone! Follow me!"

"What does my fortune say, sweet little cookie?"

"Fear my fossil fueled wrath!"

"Stay away from me, you freak!"

"I visit upon you, terrible friction!"

"Full steam ahead!"

"Hahaha, I'm funky, fresh, and beautiful!"

"Look, why are you back here if you don't have what I need? Crash, listen to me, and try to get this through your furry skull. If you want answers, you have to get me something black and fetching!"

"How in the world did I miss that lollygagger?"

"Excuse me gamer, are you TRYING to make me lose?"

"Hey, you, gamer! You know it's not just MY reputation on the line here!"

"Quick! You, at the controls! Save me from utter humiliation!"

"Obviously, I'm in a generous mood today."

"When I get my ray gun you're through!"

"Hey, come on! I really need to get there first!"

"Fiery ordinance - the gift that keeps on giving."

"1.2 gigawatts of power!"

"Whoa, I think I'm going to be sick!"

"Trust me, this is good for both of us."

"Goodies! Goodies for me!"

"It's so good to be so bad."

"Everyone's gotta go sometime!"

"Oh, now I do feel guilty about that one."

"Now that had to hurt, hehe."

"This will surely come in handy for evil."

"Oh, do I despise that orange pelted rodent... Ah, Crash, my old pal! I was just on a tirade about you."

"I have plenty more where that came from!"

"Last time I saw a car like that someone was feeding it hay!"

"How did I ever get stuck with this heap?"

"I am Cortex, hear me roar!"

"What a terrific time for my hemorroides to start flaring up."

"I hope none of my henchmen saw that."

"Hey hey, I'm driving here!"

"Hello Crash Bandicoot. Goodbye Crash Bandicoot."

"Where's the highway patrol when you need them?"

"Hey, when I hit you I didn't mean you could hit back!"

"Hit me! Do I not bleed?"

"Oh yes, that's right. Stand there and hit the talk button to annoy the mad scientist. Next you'll spin attack I suppose. Just get me those crystals you idiot!"

"It's okay everyone, I'll hold back a bit to keep it interesting."

"Back off homeboy!"

"I'll find a wonderful home for you, little jewel."

"My skills are hone like a spry jungle cat. Meow!"

"I hope you enjoy the taste of hot vengeance."

"Uh, Crash Bandicoot. Stop hounding me!"

"How much longer 'till we get there?"

"You know how to shoot, don't you? Just curl your finger around the trigger and pull."

"Oh, the humanity."

"Oh, I better hurry. Warp Node eleven!"

"Hurt my ride, you hurt me! Wait, I probably shouldn't say that."

"I'm happy, I'm really really happy."

"Some days it just doesn't pay to leave your Iceberg Lair."

"Crash, you blithering imbecile! Can't you do anything right? You're the worst mutation I've ever created! Bring me those gears, now!"

"Impressive, most impressive."

"There goes my good insurance rate."

"Stop your whining, I'm insured!"

"Taste my smouldering intellect!"

"Is I good or is I good?"

"The doctor is in!"

"Oh, I'll get you for that. Get you good."

"Did you know that in Japan wumpas are just apples?"

"Mad scientists have the right of way! Jerk!"

"Ha ha! Jewels, more jewels!"

"Now who broke that? Jinkies, what a mystery."

"This is just great."

"Ha ha ha, just like back in Danang."

"That's just wrong! But it sure feels right."

"Well I certainly hope I didn't keep you waiting too long."

"Somebody is not aware that I'm king of the road."

"Ladies react very favorable to that."

"Ah, you're a lawsuit waiting to happen!"

"I wonder if that will affect my lease agreement."

"Is this what we're racing for? What a letdown."

"Okay. With my corrupt sense of morality and our unified cunning, there must be a way for us to rig this contest!"

"Uh, excuse me! Can anyone give me a lift home?"

"Oh, now this is nice! I can go anywhere in this little number! Whoever is behind all this won't know what hit them. Oh, and take this power crystal. I found it in the dumpster covered in that disgusting wumpa whip, so I don't want to keep it."

"Cortex is a lone wolf, a bald eagle, a burrowing hamster!"

"Yes yes, through the losers to the rabid hogs."

"Tell me, how does losing feel?"

"Just as I suspected - losing isn't everything."

"Losing power, must turn off radio!"

"I really ought to turn this into lost and found. Not!"

"I've got lots of talk, and I'm not afraid to use it!"

"I just love when that happens."

"No! I love this car!"

"Okay drags of society, time to learn who the real mad doctor is here!"

"An evil maniac's gotta do what an evil maniac's gotta go!"

"Vehicular manslaughter?! I like the sound of that."

"Oh Crash! Can you help me out? I need power crystals to charge my new weapon of mass... uh, HELPING people. Can you bring me some crystals to fuel my latest creation and... HELP as many people as possible?"


"You're mean, you know that? Meanie."

"Ha ha, yes! ... Oh, I meant to do that."

"It's obvious - we were meant to be together!"

"Don't worry, that was a mercy killing."

"Ta ta, you should know better than to mess with a man's wheels!"

"I'll bet the gas mileage is dreadful in this thug."

"Oh! For heavens sake, someone put it out of its' misery!"

"Next time I'll miss you a little closer!"


"That's it. I want my money back."

"That was more painful than it looked, really."

"I just know there has to be more to life than this."

"Oh, how will I ever face... mother."

"Sometimes I feel like a motherless cortex."

"Now move a little to the left! That's better."

"Hey! You! Mr. ... Guy!"

"Not my baby!"

"Whoopsie! My bad!"

"Boohoo, my beautiful ride!"

"Aah! My car!"

"What are you looking at, buster? It surely isn't MY fault."

"Hey! Aren't you supposed to be on my team"

"My great skills of nearsightedness cause that."

"I'll have enough for a fine pearl necklace soon."

"I feel the need, the need for acceleration!"

"Shoot! I'll get him on the next lap!"

"I'm all brains and no gas."

"Noone will ever take this from me, NOONE!"

"The next one is going right up your nose."

"Is this where I win my lifetime supply of used noseplugs?"

"Not bad, we need to see each other more often."

"You're just not evil enough for me."

"Oh well, it's everyone else's fault but mine!"

"Well that's not a very nice thing to do."

"Hmm, I really ought to go back and pick him up. Not!"

"Officer, he just walked right out on the road!"

"Oh, nice."

"You see? I knew that extra quart of oil would work. *burp*"

"It's the only way to fly!"

"That had better not have been on purpose, you!"

"Nice try! Next time, open your eyes while firing!"

"I'd say he's non-operational, hehe."

"Going to need a new kidney for my organ donor clone!"

"Come on, you! Pick up the pace!"

"Oh, the pain of it all..."

"Watch the paint, watch the paint!"

"I'm here, you can start the party!"

"Put your hands up and give me the goods!"

"We're a peaceful planet, we have no weapons."

"Hey, pretty good pickup in this heap."

"Come back here and plow into me like a man!"

"Yes! Chalk up another point for scum and villainy."

"It's really not my policy to pick up hitchhikers."

"Powers of Cortex, activate!"

"Oh, would you look at that, a present!"

"Ain't my backside pretty?"

"Hey, I'm getting pretty good at this!"

"Hey! I never read the landing procedure!"

"Why Crash Bandicoot, my old friend! Have you ever heard the old Cortex proverb that revenge is a dish best served with father beans? Hmm, well remind me to tell you sometime."

"Ha ha! Actually, I'm just trying to psyche you out, dude."

"Hey, don't make me pull this car over!"

"Begin quivering with excitement."

"I would have hit him, but this game is rated E!"

"Now you do a good job as my partner or I've got a ray gun with your name on it!"

"Now you know who the REAL mad scientist is."

"This is great, but reentry can be rough."

"I hope there's a remedy for my filthy shame."

"Now how am I supposed to respond to that action?"

"Now, when the flag lowers, everyone, hit reverse!"

"I haven't put my crooked finger on it yet folks, but something's fishy around here. There's someone or something rigging these tracks. And it should be me!"

"Hmm, chalk off another roadkill!"

"*sobs* I've been robbed..."

"Rolling, rolling, rolling..."

"Oh, I love that rumbling sensation."

"Okay Luke, I'm starting my run!"

"Rusty Cortex, you're getting rusty!"

"You, Nina, and I will work in unison to foil the efforts of Von Clutch and those wretched bandicoots. Direct your straight firepower away from Nina and myself. Sabotage the race in our favor and ensure our victory!"

"Salutations my dear Crash. Very soon I shall find you a new home in the afterlife.

"Your chassis, or mine!"

"I feel so... satisfied."

"Save the brain!"

"I saw it first!"

"Sayonara sappy!"

"This place is a rather large scam if you ask me."

"Wow, that was fun and a little scary too."

"I haven't laughed like that since I was a schoolgirl."

"Scum off backbag! I mean... oh, nevermind."

"Come on, sea biscuit!"

"I just can't be seen with you, I just can't."

"Look, I think we should see other people."

"What I don't use I can sell on the internet!"

"That surely shaved a year or so off my life!"

"I'll bet he won't have to shave for a week!"

"Sheesh, I'd rather be the hammer than the nail."

"Break open and shine riches upon me!"

"Oh, shiny."

"This and a pair of meat shoes and we're in business!"

"Okay, where's my showcase? Where's my showcase?"

"A golden shower of riches for me."

"Another shrimp on the barbie."

"Bah! What sicko came up with this ride?"

"Nice skid marks."

"I skinned my knee!"

"You wanna try that again, smartypants?"

"Smashing just happens to be one of my specialties!"

"Oh, put a sock in it!"

"Nothing like a soothing drive in the country..."

"I'm such a sore loser. Anyone have any chewable aspirin?"

"Oops, sorry."

"I'm just softening you up for my souflet'o'pain."

"I'm hiding this crystal in my special place."

"And I'm spent."

"Now this is what I call a sports utility vehicle!"

"Well, there's sportsmanship for you."

"Squirm all you want, but you're going to get your medicine!"

"Perhaps it's time to start racing."

"Thanks for your help, now stay out of my way vermin!"

"Down boy, steady!"

"Stop it, please!"

"Stop that! Only villains get to shoot at people!"

"Every mad scientist stream!"

"Well, whose stupid idea was this anyhow?"

"Oh, I just love success."

"Such power, such speed! I'm quite a catch."

"Trust me, it's easier when you don't suck pig toes."

"It's not my fault he sucks platypus eggs."

"Ingest the sugary goodness of my evil!"

"Summon my proctologist!"

"Blast you, sunday driver!"

"I will build a supoerweapon of incredible destructive force... eventually."

"Apparently they don't realise - I'm supposed to win!"

"Why am I surrounded by idiots?!"

"Sweet sweet victory!"

"The pain! The sweet pain!"

"Ha ha ha ha! Sweet victory! Alright, what did I win?"

"How am I going to talk my way out of this one?"

"Talk to the hand! Buh-bye!"

"Well of course I'm certain! Wait, someone might see me talking to myself. Act natural."

"How did that deliciousness taste?"

"Now, that's a good way to taste the back of my hand."

"Can I purchase that big pink teddy bear now? Huh? Huh?"

"Yes! Ten points!"

"Now that's why I chose to be a bad guy."

"The power, the power!"

"I don't like this part of the race much."

"And to think, I didn't meet the height requirements for this ride!"

"Now this is what I call an E ticket ride!"

"You know, there's never a time machine around when you need one."

"Hurry, hurry! The time is nigh!"

"Ha ha! And time to spare!"

"Somebody get me a tissue!"

"Together, you and I will do very bad things."


"Hello Crash! It's always a torture... um, I mean... pleasure to see you."

"As you can see, I like to toy with my prey first."

"Ah yes, Crash my dear boy. Haven't you some train tracks to play on?"

"Where did my training fail me?"

"Crash, you're looking very fit and trim! Those pilates are doing wonders for your figure!"

"Was that trip REALLY necessary?"

"This race is a trivial challenge to a genius like me."

"One day, I will have Tijuana as my trophy wife."

"Nice shot. Next time try AIMING."

"Oh, I get it. You're TRYING to hit me."

"Not would be a good time to at least TRY to win."

"Such violence in a children's park. Tsk tsk."

"Two can play that game, weasel!"

"Like my parasitic twin used to day - two heads are better than one!"

"How on earth did my underpants get on backwards?"

"I'm getting the sneaking suspicion that this park is not entirely safe."

"I owe it all to you, my unworthy opponents."

"Up, up, and away!"

"Is this the price of victory?"

"Bow before my rancid villainy."

"Von Clutch is a ninny! He must know I always cheat!"

"How about some waffles?"

"Waiter! Check please!"

"Great, I just washed this vehicle..."

"My my, was that you?"

"Fool, watch where you're aiming that thing!"

"Hey there! Watch where I'm driving!"

"Now you just hang back and watch me win."

"Hey there! Watch where I'm going!"

"Oh yeah? Well the more you hit me, the weaker I become!"

"Relax Cortex, you know their weakness: doomsday devices!"

"Oh, I'm sorry. Were we a team?"

"I think I wet myself."

"Aah! I wet my pants!"

"You! Filthy peon! Come back here so I can whack you!"

"What's going on out there man? We're being pulverised, you simple minded freak!"

"That's great! What's it for?"

"Okay, what's next?"

"Oh Cortex, when will they ever learn?"

"Who let the canines out? Woof, woof, woof!"

"Oh, now who put that there?"

"Why me?"

"Why did I even bother?"

"Why does this always happen to me?"

"Why me? I'm so pretty!"

"Now, why in the world was that necessary?"

"Why would you do that?"

"Now I may attack other drivers. Okay, I will attack other drivers."

"Evil madman, will work for shiny new vehicle!"

"Wind resistance strong! Can't hold on! Loosening... bowels."

"I just know my hairtufts are causing wind drag."

"Oh well, winning is for losers anyhow."

"You win some, you lose some!"

"Ha ha ha, the wonderful power!"

"Keep the root beer on ice, this won't take long."

"Crash! You really must assist me, dear boy. I dropped my chewing gum in that woodchipper over there. Would you be so kind as to retrieve it for me?"

"Woohoo! Get a load of my sweet tricky!"

"How was my time? Did I beat any records?"

"You're just making it worse for yourself."

"That's just wrong in every sense of the word."

"Hey Crash! Willie Wumpa Cheeks has a dripping problem with his wumpa pumpa. Why don't you go plug it up?"


"Come on Cortex, you can do better than that!"

"You did it, you brought me the last part I needed! Crash, you fool. With this car I will win the deed to the park for sure and destroy every bandicoot foolish enough to face me on the tracks."

"I've had it with you, you meddling kid."

"I thought you liked me!"

"Pick on someone your own size, shrimpy!"

"See here, my dearest N.Gin. It is we who must claim victory if we are able to secure this glorious park as a new evil base."


"I think I broke my colon! This could get messy."

"Get a whiff of my rubber diaper!"

"Wow. This really compensates for my small-"

"Ugh, I broke my ovaries!"

"First one there gets a spanking! *giggle*"

"My rear end is feeling mighty heavy. Where's the can?"

"The victor has arrived! Crack open the caviar and champagne!"

"Charlie in the trees, Charlie in the trees!"


"It took 14 tries, but I finally beat you Crash!"

"Feels like an ant biting me!"

"Oh great, now I've been betrayed!"

"I do like being a big man."

"Yes! Bow before the master of huge scienc-y toys!"

"I just love being a bully!"

"You're a bum!"

"I should bust my stiff up a lip for you!"

"Say bye bye Crash!"

"Lousy traitor! I should casserole you!"

"Stop cheating Crash! Only I get to cheat."

"Finally, a satisfying conclusion."

"Okay, that's it. I'm really cross now!"

"Someone destroy that fool!"

"Come on! I just want to destroy your home and take over the world!"

"I'm going to an overpriced resort!"

"I'm being little dogpiled!"

"How are you doing down there?"

"This is so embarrassing."

"Et tu, mu te?"

"Oh wow, did you ever suck?"

"Oh yes! That felt fabulous."

"I won. I won! Finally, I have triumphed! That's fabulous!"

"Finish him!"

"When you get off him, you're fired!"

"Now I'm just furious!"

"I'm starting to get angry, Crash!"

"Get him off of me, you fools!"

"Get off him Crash! I like that guy. As a friend."

"Now that was a good one, yes."

"I've got you, Crash!"

"Finally, I've got you where I want you, Crash. Dead."

"I have had enough of you!"

"You can't hide from me!"

"Hold still, so I can crush you!"

"Look, just get him off your head! How hard can that be?"

"That one hurt. A bit."

"Oh, that one hurt a little bit."

"Oh, that'll take all day to hurt."

"Yeah, you're going to really hurt me. In a year or so."

"Oh gross, he's in my mind! Gross."

"Who's kicking who now, mom?"

"Ow ow, he's killing me!"

"When I'm king of the world, you are sooo in trouble!"

"Okay, got him. Latte break!"

"Why won't you let me take over the world?"

"Come on Crash, let's see what you've got!"

"No! Come on! I liked that one."

"Yes, you like that, don't you Crash?"

"Oh come on, like, whatever."

"Maybe next time you'll listen to your creator."

"Is that all you've got, little man?"

"Ow! Look, stop that!"

"Everyone, get that lunatic!"

"You're just making me angry, Crash!"

"You're making me so mad!"

"You're being mean! Meanie!"

"That moderately hurt!"

"I'm so glad mom isn't watching this. I think."

"I told mother I could beat you. She didn't believe me! Why didn't she believe me?!"

"Come on Crash, put some muscle into it!"

"But you were my favorite!"

"You pathetic hairball! That's nothing!"

"Not in my hair!"

"Oh, this isn't going well."

"Oh dear."

"He's on my face! He's on my face!"


"Ow! That hurt!"

"That's my personal area!"

"Pow! Yay! That was a good one!"

"Oh, punchie punch!"

"And... punt!"

"You evolved reprobate! Quit it!"

"You wretched little rodent!"

"It's primary school all over again!"

"I won? Quick, somebody take a screenshot!"

"Oh, now I feel sexy! I mean victorious!"

"I skinned my knee!"

"It's no good Crash. I'm still smashing you flat."

"Stop helping him! Snap out of it!"

"I am so big! I am so look-at-me big!"

"Help! Bandicoots in my special place!"

"I spent forever building that!"

"Hey! That's starting to hurt!"

"Would you stop doing that already?"

"Hey, stop helping him!"

"Stop destroying my wonderful plan!"

"Oh yes, super! That was great."

"Come on, quit it already! I'm telling!"

"Oh, I feel something tickling me."

"I'll smash your tiny brain for that!"

"What's the matter Crash? Too little?"

"I trusted you!"

"Everyone's turning on me!"

"Uka Uka's gonna be so totally mad now!"

"I've ot mutated vermin all over me!"

"I've waited so long to do that, Crash!"

"Walk it off Cortex!"

"Looking a little weak there, Crash."

"That wee attack is nothing!"

"Oh, what's the matter Crash?"

"Now why would you do that?"

"Oh, this won't end well."

"You're making it worse for yourself, Crash."

"You're the worst mutant bandicoot I've ever known."

"Pain my... thing, you... guy!"


"Collect Aku Aku Feathers to protect Crash from damage."

"Aku Aku has joined the party."

"Hmm, that doesn't sound ALL bad."

"Oh brother, not another tutorial."

"If you want to defeat me you have to master the art of jacking my mutated minions."

"My Cortexbot will boogie no more!"

"I'll see you in the boss showdown!"

"Everyone will bow before its dance of power!"

"I don't see why you want to bring in someone new."

"I'll be able to complete the Cortexbot without Crash interfering."

"Crash knows I'm up to something, so we need to make this quick."

"Crash will never make it here in time to save you."

"Now don't bother me again!"

"How could you do this to your uncle?"

"With it, I will drain these masks dry!"

"But why dwell on the past?"

"With an overly elaborate scheme, using an ill-concieved robot, and more mutants!"

"But... My giant robot is an excellent dancer!"

"It's fabulous and devious."

"You'll have to figure it out for yourself."

"Soon, Crash Bandicoot, we will see who makes a fool out of who! Or is it "whom"?"

"Forget what I said and away with you!"

"If you absolutely need help with Crash's moves, pause the game and select 'Moves List'."

"How did you?! I... What?!"

"How do you plan of defeating me if you can't master a simple punch or kick?"

"Okay, I give up"

"With the Cortexbot noone will be able to ignore me."

"Well, isn't this nice..."


"Oh, this isn't going well..."

"I told you so, I told you so!"

"It took fourteen tries, but I finally beat you Crash!"

"Oh sure,I keep trying to kill you."

"You want me to mention that you can upgrade abilities at the evolution kiosk?"

"Now leave me alone!"

"Alright, let's get moving!"

"Just make it quick."

"I'll return to my mansion and continue work on my Mojo Extraction device."

"Maybe these little monsters will be more to your liking!"

"Then, the mighty Cortexbot will become operational."

"Minions? A little help here?"

"Never again will the world mock Neo Periwinkle Cortex!"

"Soon, with the Mojo I collected from the masks..."

"Bah, no matter. Mutants, eliminate this troublemaker so I can escape!"

"...with the parts N.Gin has constructed for me..."

"Please, you're my niece!"

"Nina! How's the Mutato-Ray-Gun-3000?"

"...and with my niece's mutants running rampant across the islands..."


"You know, that didn't come from MY side of the family."

"None of my other henchmen have ever been able to do that! Not too shabby!"

"This is NOT what I wanted to happen!"

"Oh dear!"

"Oh, it's just my niece."

"Oh, super."

"We're going to have to do this the old fashioned way."

"Touch On-Demand Items on the Touch Screen to activate them!"

"Ugh, I'm out of here!"

"Or that you can try your luck on the Pachinko machine for additional rewards?"

"You'd better pay attention if you want any chance of defeating ME, Dr. Neo Cortex!"

"I've taken very careful precautions."

"Since we couldn't remutate you with the Mutato-Ray-Gun-3000..."

"Say what?! No! This is ridiculous!"

"I won? Quick, somebody take a screenshot!"

"She led you here, convinced you to help her, and then managed to shoot herself!"

"I am so sick of losing!"

"Crash, you're siding with HER?"

"That pathetic hairball sleeps through anything!"

"Oh please, put a sock in it Aku Aku."

"Use your attacks to stun a creature and then use the lower Touch screen to flick Aku Aku."

"If my super amazing plan is going to work, I need each of you to do your part."

"Well, let's take a look..."

"And. well, I can't possibly take you both on at once."

"You can't take over!"

"Oh, that one hurts!"

"D'oh, that smarts!"

"Now you can use their powers."

"...with the fuel gathered by Tiny at the excavation..."

"Haven't you pressed the X or Y buttons yet? Try it out..."

"This dreaded tutorial is now officially over!"

"Use your fists and feet!"

"Wait a minute!"

"I waited until he fell asleep."

"I thought we had an arrangement!"

"Well I won't!"

"Ha! We'll see about that!"

"What do you mean?!"

"What more do you want from me?"

"Who is it?"

"Why am I telling YOU this?"

"Oh, this won't end well."

"Collect Wumpa Fruit to replenish Crash's health."

"You defeated Crash Bandicoot! Woohoo!"

"You did it AGAIN!"

"Oh, you did it Nina!"

"You! Begin gathering fuel components!"

"You! Begin construction on the parts I need!"

"You! Continue using your Mutato-Ray-Gun-3000 to turn cute animals into loyal mutants!"

"You! Uh... Do what you can to slow down Crash Bandicoot."


(speaker) "Oh students! The third grade class has gone missing! If any of you assasinated them, please remember to fill out the application form next time."

(speaker) "Students of Evil Public School! Please chain and gag all your homework assignments BEFORE dropping them off. I have enough escaped mutants causing me problems, thank you very much."

(speaker) "Students! Be sure to rest up for the big game against evil you! I want the visiting team's water poisoned and food laxatived up! Is that a word? Laxatived? You know, the past tense of laxative. Whatever, just cheat a lot."

(speaker) "Uh, excuse me! This is a little embarrassing but, can someone out there break a fifty? I've gotta do laundry and I'm all out of change. You'd think a mad scientist wouldn't have to pay to do his laundry, but rules are rules!"

"Come on, I just want to destroy your home and take over the world!"

(speaker) "Minions! How does my hair look today? You know, 'cause I'm kinda thinking about wearing it up for a little while. Maybe do a pony tail, though that might be a little too 'art teacher' if you know what I'm talking about. Ting-a-ling-a-ling! Cortex out!"

(speaker) "Attention students! A reminder to remove any unexploded doomsday weapons from your locker at the end of the schoolday. I'm getting tired of replacing janitors."

"Tududu... How are you doing down there?"

"This is so embarrassing."

(speaker) "Uh, everyone! I don't want to bum you all out, but one of my experiments has escaped. If you see something that looks a bit like a high school shop teacher, well, you know, make peace. Cortex out!"

(speaker) "Attention students! Tomorrow's evil meal will feature evil peas, evil pie, and pudding. The pudding is not particularly evil. That is all!"

(speaker) "Minions of Evil Public School! Don't forget to submit your evil science projects today if you want to be considered for the grand prize! This year's winners will recieve an explosive space modulator."

(speaker) "Attention minions! A winner has been chosen in the 'How I would kill Crash Bandicoot' essay writing contest. The winner was a minty fresh submission by the gym teacher. Her eloquent plan is to squat thrust him to death."

"Ow, ow, he's killing me!"

"No, come on, I liked that one!"

"Oh gross, he's in my mind! Gross."

(speaker) "Greetings students! Bandicoots have been sighted in the area. Feel free to shave and otherwise irritate any bandicoot you discover."

(speaker) "Listen up! Crash Bandicoot is here! Stop what you're doing and destroy him! Anyone killed in combat will be fired immediately. Cortex out!"

"I'm so glad mom isn't watching this... I think..."

"Everyone's turning on me!"

(speaker) "Attention! My sensors indicate a 12% drop in evil. Everyone, please try to be a little more wicked. We've got an image to maintain!"

"Stop destroying my wonderful plan!"

(speaker) "Everyone! There's a teeny tiny oxygen leak in sector 4. You may notice a slight numbness or tingling sensation, and possibly some necrosis."

(speaker) "Everyone! Listen up! I'm expecting a package, so if you see the delivery guy, could you buzz him though please? Come to think of it, how is he going to get into space? I've got to stop shopping online."

(speaker) "I'd like to remind you all that the white zone is for loading and unloading only. There is no parking in the white zone."

(speaker) "Pay attention filthy students! Be on the alert for a mutant moving around causing problems. You know, besides you guys. Cortex out!"

(speaker) "Listen up students! Crash Bandicoot may be in the area. If you see him, feel free to stage an elaborate fight with only a few of you attacking at once to make it exciting. You know, 'cause this is REAL."

"Oh you're going to really hurt me! In a year or two!"

(speaker) "Attention students! When imprisoning mutants, be sure to contact Evil School, so that we can get an NV on them right away. The last thing we want is someone releasing these things."

(speaker) "Attention minions! Someone has been eating sandwiches while going to the bathroom! That's seriously gross. A reward of 10 000 currency units has been issued for the sandwich micturator. That is all."

(speaker) "Security! There's been a disturbance in Sector 12! Dispatch additional evil things, and get your stops on!"

"It's no good Crash, I'm still smashing you flat."

"You're making me so mad!"

(speaker) "Listen up students! Some of you have been worshipping Uka Uka! If I hear anyone even SAYING his name, I'll have you put to death! Four times!"

"I spent forever building that!"

"Would you stop doing that already?"

(speaker) "Attention disgusting mutants! No, you can't has cheezburger. So stop asking! It's a stupid meme anyway..."

(speaker) "Attention minions! Someone has taped over my shows! I'm really mad about that. Seriously. I had a little label on the tape and everything, so I know it wasn't an accident. That was really lame."

(speaker) "Dear students. The entire fourth grade class has been disintegrated for tardiness(?)."

(speaker) "Minions! Secure the ice prisons! I suspect heroes are running about in our underplaces."

(speaker) "Attention students working in the ice prisons! Remember, our 'You break it, you bought it' policy applies to mutants kept in storage. Any mutants terminally abused before or after NV application must be replaced, no matter how hysterical the violence might have been at the time."

"Now why would you do that?"

"You're the worst mutant bandicoot I've ever known!"

"It took 15 tries, but I finally beat you Crash!"

"Oh, why don't you just die Crash? I've been trying for like a decade."

"Finally, a satisfying conclusion!"

"Now that was a good one, yes."

"Finally, I got you where I want you Crash - dead."

"Oh my, this won't end well."

"Oh, this isn't going well."

"Pow! Yes, that was a good one!"

"And... punt!"

"I won! Quick, somebody take a screenshot!"

"I've waited so long to do that Crash."

"Now why would you do that?"

(speaker) "Minions! I have detected a disturbance in the force! This is surprising, because I'm not actually a Jedi. It may be gas. But just in case, I thought I should mention it."

"Blocking! Where's my blocking?!"

(speaker) "Will the student that wrote 'The Doominator is a stupid name' on the office door please report to detention for extermination. Also, the cafeteria is out of muffins."

(speaker) "Attention students! Out evil exchange student has gone missing! If he's still alive, please return him to the dormitory. If he has been eaten, please return his remains, or... leavings, to the cloning chamber. Cortex out!"

"Get him off me! Get him off me!"

"Curse you, dramatic irony!"

(speaker) "Be alert! Crash Bandicoot has been sighted! If you find him, kill him until he dies. That is all!"

"Thanks a lot for making me look bad."

"Ah, my tushie!"

"Oh come on, that one's mine!"

"Oh, that one hurt."

"Where's a family of orangutans when you need them?"

"The other villains would really laugh if they saw that."

"Thank you. That was so demeaning."

"The pain, the pain!"

"Mad scientist in trouble!"

"Unfair! This is unfair!"


"I'm Cortex and I'm going to kill you!"

"So all of the sudden Cortex liked color, it's a beautiful purple dress!"

"Yes, you don't know who I am, but you WILL! Because I'm going to dominate the world!"


"Enter my favorite niece: Amy Gross. Nothing gross about her."

"Peter would like to thank his lovely wife Wendy and cat Lucy for all their support."

"Boy, I'd like her to visit my cubicle."

"Hi Elissa, and the cutest girl in the world hiyo."

"Hello Christine and Daisy, (?)"

"Dylan would like to thank noone. He did it all himself."

"Hello Cory's wife Laura. You dirty girl."

"Seriously though, if I get another e-mail about driving improvements from that guy, I'm going to stick something in him and break it off!"

"And Bill Farmer. If only he were one."

"And Dwayne Shepard. Nobody says ****************** with such authority."

"Oh Jeff, what is up big dog? How's it hanging in the hood?"

"Ingus would like to thank the whole world for putting up with his horrible attitude while he... travelled the globe."

"Mr. Plumly, you really know how to shoot one past the goalie, wink wink nudge nudge. Little Plumlie is proof of that."

"And Mike Gollum. Oh precious.

"Hi, (?)"

"Who are these people?! They never did anything during production! Are they homeless?!"

"*giggle* How many?"

"Konichiwa Maki-chan."

"Kevin would like to thank everyone that made a joke with his name in high school and point out that they probably work in a mall now."

"And Lex Lang. Oh, I hope to someday meet him."

"I know. When he eats cereal he needs a lifeguard."

"Matthew! See you next Tuesday! Or was it Wednesday? Thursday, no, Friday, aah!"

"Hello Michelle, be seeing you later. Oh, and Michelle, say hi to Joel's kids: Neil Andrew and Neil Nichole."

"And Morgan. Mix it up wild man!"

"Trevor Lym(?) would like to thank the Olsen Twins, whom he's never met."

"I only need one."

"Hold on, let me get my pen!"

"Lydian, the most polite man on the planet."

"Jess Harnell, please, tell your neighbour, the captain, that I said hi, and that I'm in a rock band, ahahaha!"

"Ian says 'Thank you mom, dad and David'. How sickening."

"Isn't he going to thank his wife or kids?"

"Sure, sure he does, but they're ugly!"

"Chris Coppola, man of a thousand voices, but unfortunately no personality."

"(?), whatever the heck that means."

"Yusuf thanks his Gundi(?) star friend, (?)."

"Oh, this fellow's written a very moving message: 'I dedicate this game to my delightful wife. I promise that you never have to deal with crunch time again. At least not until the next game I work on.' Oh, so sincere."

"To mommy and daddy, for giving what... for giving me what I needed to accomplish unlimited evil in the world. Oh sure, I've started small in a video game company, but I'll get on to the big evil soon!"

"When given the choice of two evils, I try the one I haven't done before, but trust me - there's nothing evil this guy hasn't tried. He's not even allowed in the pet store anymore!"

"This charming person wants to thank his girlfriend for getting him out of the old grey bar hotel, that time in Tijuana. Oh, that was a fabulous Kwanza."

"Oh you wouldn't believe the bugs THIS guy introduced. Worst game developer ever. This guy should never be left alone in a room with a computer."

"A message to his family: Thank you for raising such a complete done to head fool that probably couldn't put his socks on without riding home for instructions."

"Some advice to the wife: If this guy ever works this hard again, on a video game, I want you to punch him right in the cash and prizes."

"To mom and dad: Thank you for teaching me to crush my enemies and hear the lamentations of their women. Yes, college was fun."

"To my family: Thank you for supporting me in my many addictions. Online role playing games don't play themselves you know."

"This guy speaks several languages. Unfortunately, none of them is English, so he was pretty useless to have around."

"We got this guy as part of a prisoner exchange. I'm not sure exactly how we got him though. Maybe he was a tip."

"Ryan would like to thank his wife Amy for feeding and clothing him. I'm not exactly sure how he got along before he met you, but it couldn't have been pretty. Eugh. Ryan also wants to thank his parents for never doubting that playing video games would lead to a profitable career. Well, close anyway."

"Neil's thanking nephew and niece Ben and Tiegen(?), who apparently live in a whale! What sort of sick people would live in a whale?! Anyway, enjoy the game and grow up evil! It's good to be bad. Something is fishy about this story!"

"A private message to my darling girlfriend: Stop calling me! We broke up months ago! I had to record a message in a video game to spell it out for you, for god's sake! Oh that's some warm hearted villainy right there. He's in real trouble now."

"Sheik sends heaps of thanks upon cat Cortez. Cortez? Apparently some sort of family connection there between her and me. Do us Cortexes proud and encourage him to do evil, sweetie pie. Make him bench press you daily."

"Lots of sincere love to my family for getting me through hard times and bailing me out on occasion. No, no county time for your baby boy, not gonna be bubber's(?) boy toy, no."

"Kenneth would like to thank his wife Sandra. Oh Sandra, what an exotic name. You could be a South American soap opera star with a name like that. Or maybe you are? I'll check the internets."

"Pierre wants to thank his wife Gretchen. Apparently, she's the light of his life or something. Ugh, that's sickening. Makes me want to ralph(?). The best marriages are silent and repressed."

"Ash would like to thank the lights of his life, and bane of his wallet, Brandon, Hailey, and Lacy. You know, he had a choice between you three and a new guitar. He's pretty sure he made the right choice."

"I would like to thank the grossly inflated Vancouver housing market for making it impossible for anyone to do anything except hanging around the studio all day."

"Jacob wants to thank Terry for everything she's done. I'm not sure what exactly that is, but... I'll bet it's sickening."

"Bryce(?) wants to thank Teresa for her fabulous Tetris skills that remind him of what a real gamer is like."


"Alan would like to thank his mommy! And Kim Hurishak(?). Oh, that's so cute, he's such a precocious little toddler."

"Ian would like to thank his mom, his brother David, and his sister-in-law Cheryl. He also is thanking his girlfriend Trish, who really doesn't get the whole 'video game' thing. But that's okay."

"Brian would like to thank his amazing friends and family for their support through the 27th year of his life. It was a great year with many changes and new experiences, most of them legal. Oh, he's got a big list here, hold on. Thanks to: the Empire team, the 300 club for the workouts, my camping crew, my draw club crew, all of my friends from Tea Side, the King's basketball league, Facebook, Flickr, and my snowboard instructors Ian and Trish, the city of Vancouver for its amazing sushi restaurants, urban fare for the organic yoghurt, my trainers at fitness science, Neil for his knowledge of both crash locomotion and the 'ladies', Sheik for his generosity and friendship, Bob for showing me how much fun one person can have, my parent's mom and Harry, and my family in Hamilton Onterio for always being there to support me. Oh my, he's quite long-winded isn't he?"

"Daniel wants to thank his family, friends, Radical for this awesome opportunity to work there, and his supportive girlfriend Jennifer C."

"Des would like to thank his muse. So thank you, and good night, wherever you are!"

"Ryan has prepared a statement for me: I would like to thank my ever supportive family, my brilliant wife, and the guys at morning soccer. Well that's just typical - he didn't thank ME! No, no tears Cortex. Be strong..."

"Once again, Ken thanks his unbelievably gorgeous wife Sandra. Oh Sandra, star of many south american drama like: 'The rich have attractive servants and twin siblings' The name's much more catchier in Spanish. I'm her number one fan!"

"Bo(?) would like to thank Hugh Jung(?) for pushing him into the game industry and giving him a legitimate reason to play games every night."

"Yusuf would like to thank all the icebergs, clean water, and endangered animals for making our planet cool. Good luck against corporate villains. I guess that's cool in the totally rad kind of way, not temperature. Does he hang out with Al Gore? Also he says: 'thanks to his wife, (?)'"

"Roman would like to thank his wife Mary, his sister Diana, and his parents Mom, Arty and Alex. Oh, that's so cute, it gave me warm fuzzies. Now I'm feeling lonely."

"Much love and thanks to Janine, for all of her patience and support; the sub zero zombie squad for stepping up and storming every mountain we can. Eat your brains! Gain your knowledge!"

"Steph would like to thank James for all the tea and cake. What does that have to do with this game? (Oh, James is great, isn't he? Cake CAKE CAAAKE! YES!)"


"Don't touch me!"

"Will this suffering never end?"

"Coco, my dear. I can't bear to see you like this."

"Hmm, better."

"Nina! You scared me! Come here..."

"Forget it."

"I'm... not thirsty. Let's go!"

"I thought it'd be best to come in disguise. We don't want to attract the wrong kind of attention..."

"Ahh, something's wrong. Something's changed! A malfunction, our personalities - switched! If you're evil, I must be..."

"A pain, in my chest! I feel... nice... AND I CAN'T STAND IT! HELP ME!"

"Nina, I'm so... proud of you... No! Aaah, Dendrobium thysiflorum, the prettiest of all Orchids. Gaahh! Ood Mister Tiddles wike a dwink of milk? Nyaah! Make it stop!"

"You imbecile! What do you... Of course! Prepare the Rehab Lab! ... Please."

"We must be careful. The dimensions coexist in fragile equilibrium. Any contact with our alter-egos in this reality could prove disastrous. (Welcome to the tenth-)"

"Forget I said anything."

"Interesting. The malfunction has opened a portal into Coco's Brainovial Hyperbarium- the well from which her personality springs, like sugar water. What pastel-colored horrors await in there, I wonder..."

"To confibrillate the Psychetron, these six disjunctal globiforms must be interphasified with the positron receptors before the quantum dilation stage calamitizes."


"Hmm, what we need is a little brute force."

"Mecha Bandicoot is equipped with an electronic brain, programmed with Crash's own cerebral patterns."

"Let's bring him home."

"Engage autopilot!"

"What's the worst that can happen?"

"Lousy, stinkin' Bandicoot! 'Pull the lever Cortex, Push the button Cortex, throw the switch Cortex.' I have a heart condition!

"Did Frankenstein throw his own switches? Did Jekyll push his own buttons? I'll do it, I'll do it. ...pathetic...loser... "

"Sleep, my encipid(?) angel."

"Crash, Crash! Where are you, big brother? There's something weird going on in the bay, come see!"

"Aren't you two adorable? Let me see, I might have some chunky treats here for you."

"How tiresome."

"10th dimension... Yes, YES! In the dark ocean of my intellect swims a magnificent whale of a plan! To the laboratory! We're not beaten yet. The game is on!"

"Come! We must make preparations for-"

"It's probably for you."


"Should I?"

"I love my airship, it's the only way to fly!"

"I would-"


"I shall crush you like the puny bugs you are! You're nothing to me for I'm the great and all-powerful Neo Cortex! You infantile vermin! How dare you both manhandle and manipulate me?! Rest assured, I shall wreak my terrible vengeance upon..."

"Wait! I think I remember now... The way it happened... happened..."

"I was 8 years old and the most popular student in the academy."

"Ah yes, how they loved me. It was my first experiment with the Evolvo-Ray."

"Phase 1 in my plan to create an army of super animals! The test subjects - my two pet parrots - Victor and Moritz. The only creatures I didn't loathe, or eat.

"The experiment was proceeding as planned, when suddenly..."

"My parrots were gone. Lost amongst the infinite dimensions. I was heartbroken."

"How I missed those twins and how I long to see them again."

"But be careful what you wish for, young man..."

"Or your wish will come true..."

"Well well well..."

"Apparently, you two little rascals have been very busy since the last we saw each other."


"Victor, Moritz, back in your cage, you naughty boys!"

"You know Crash, for all these years, I've been wrong about you."

"Your creation was a mistake and your existance has been a constant reminder of that mistake."

"But I've learned something from all of this. I've learned that you can't run away from your mistakes, BUT YOU CAN BURY THEM! I never want to see your ridiculous face again!"

"Wha- Where am I? What is this?"

"I don't think this is going to work. He's an idiot. I don't even like him, let alone trust him."

"It's just that I have a fear of falling."

"Okay fine, let's do this silly exercise."

"I'm in a safe place, I'm in a safe place, I'm in a safe place... aaaa AUGH!"

"Oh, how I hate bandicoots..."


"Hello world! Obey me!"

"Okay, let's see here. Who do we have next... Ah, Spike, is it?"

"Uh, yes. Let's just see what you have to offer. And if it's good, we MIGHT consider you for the game."

"Uh, I'm afraid not. You're not really what we're looking for."

"Pack your bags! You're going to Wumpa Island!"


"It's a deal!"

"Guh, mutants! Seize the bandicoot, but don't let him jack you!"

"Yes! My Mutatorizer is now complete."

"N.Gin! Bring in the test subjects!"

"Let's get this party started!"

"Throw a little one!"

"They're alive, ALIVE!"

"Now, to find someone to lead them."

"Hmm, ah, my old nemesis, Crash Bandicoot. Come to papa!"

"Hello again! Welcome to my latest evil plan!"

"N.Gin! Activate the Mutatorizer for Mr. Bandicoot and this time... pump up the volume!"

"What?! N.Gin, what happened?!"

"Oh, blast this remote!"

"Seize him! But be careful, 'cause some interruption of the mutation process may have resulted in very unpredictable powers!"

"Now where did I put those batteries?"

"Busy here!"

"I knew they were up here."

"He jacked him? That's impossible!"


"Ah, back on track."

"I'm okay!"


"It's only a matter of time before we do away with these meddlesome rodents forever!"

"Ha ha ha, ow!"

"What is the meaning of this? Have you any idea with whom you are dealing?"

"Well, tingle all you want. I have an appointment with world domination."

"Yes! A new sinister base, all the churros we can eat, and rid ourselves of the bandicoots, all at the same time! ..."

"So, if I win, you'll hand over the deed to this amusement enterprise? No questions asked?"

"Holy canoely!"

"What is that thing?"

"Okay Von Clutch, we're in. Where do we start?"

"Curses! Some sinister force is upstaging my evil plan! Curses, curses, CURSES!"

"That wretched bandicoot foiled my plan for this amusement enterprise as the ideal strategic cover!"

"Stop having fun!"

"Obliderate them!"

"I hate chicken."

"We'll meet again, Crash Bandicoooooo..."


(speaker) "Is this thing on? Yeah?"

(speaker) "Ha ha! I'm back babies! Surrender to Cortex!"

(speaker) "Hey genius, I can't actually hear you. I'm really far away and I'm flying like a hovercraft or something."

(speaker) "I'm off to do bad things, ta ta!"

"Crash, you gullible fool! You walked right into my trap! Now I'll have you AND the mojo!"

"Well, actually it's pretty fun. You should try it. You know, riding around in huge rumbling machines and whatnot. Very stimulating."

"Uka Uka taught me a new process called Mojo Mutations. I will use the stolen mojo to create a huge army of loyal mutants. Not rejects like you guys."

"But best of all, I will use this army to construct a mighty robot, the largest doomsday device I've ever built. I will smash Wumpa Island, then take over the world! And I shall call this robot... THE DOOMINATOR!"

"You think you've won, you furry simpleton? Well, Uka Uka got away with the mojo AND your sister! You'll never find them in time."

"The next time you see me Crash, I'll be controlling a world conquering robot. Ahahahahhahahhahaha! Oh, I love to laugh."

"I don't see what the big deal is. We got away with the mojo AND Crash's sister!"

"You can't replace me! My name's on the stationary!"

"Uh, thank you. Huh, what? What do you mean?"

"You terrible, ungrateful child! You'll never get away with this!"

"I'll tell you why - this... is my fortess and that... is my robot out there and... I threw up in my mouth."

"No! But I love watching things get destroyed! Oh, you're awful."

"Oh, you're going to get some punchy-punch now. Crash, come over here and take out this terrible excuse for a niece."

"Yes, Nina..."

"Oh gross, get a room."

"You simpletons! The Doominator cannot be disabled so easily."

"How long have you had THAT in your pants?"

"Oh Nina. Betraying me is the most vile, evil thing you could've ever done. You're a skank."

"I'm just so proud of you right now."

"I promise - From now on I'll be more evil, more villainous, more horrible! HORRIBLE! Oh, and go kill bandicoots too. I'm still going to spank you stupid for this."


"Are you tired of having too many gadgets cluttering your life?"

"And now there IS!"

"Ladies and gentlemutants, I present to you, the NV!"

"Access any file, talk to your disgusting friends, watch pay-per-view, and Julian fries!"

"Bleh, eww, waxy."

"Hrkm... And it's certainly not an evil plan..."

"What do you think of that, audience?"

"Bad credit? No credit? Disgusting personal habits?"

"Just put on the helmet already!"

"But wait, you revolting peons, there's more!"

"I just can't think of it right now."

"Now how much would you expect to pay for this technological superiority?"

"Let's hear some guesses sheeple!"

"It's my great pleasure to announce that this handsome product will arrive at the doors of Wumpa Island inhabitants free of charge."

"There was a piece of lettuce in the urinal. Who eats a sandwich while going to the bathroom? Seriously."

"Anywho, minions! I stand before you reborn, renewed, recommited to evil!"

"And, I've made up with an old colleague. Join me in welcoming... Nitrus Brio!"

"Oh, and I've got some old school evil in mind. Allow me to present... the NV!"

"Best of all, with it, I can create the most powerful mutants ever."

"And ones totally under my control. Watch."

"Totally cool, nespa? Check this out."

"I used to run this operation! And it's time I did again."

"Oh my, talk about a two-dimensional bad guy."

"Look, it's nothing personal."

"I simply need a source of bad mojo to fuel the NV. And you're it."

"N.Brio, I need you to keep the bandicoots busy. Use our... secret plan."

"Oh, that's the easy part. We'll give it to them. Ahaahahaahhahahahahahahahaha!"

"Yes, that's right, you little fools!"

"Evil recycling gives me everything I need to build and distribute NVs!"

"Look, there's got to be a better picture of me."

"Enter my recycling program Crash. The recycling program... of doom!"

"Oh, that's good. I look butch."

"Thanks. Finally answers the phone. Very classy. It's not like I have anything better to do."

"Oh, thanks for asking. I feel good. All this evil agrees with me. How is our little mojo battery doing?"

"Fabulous. He's never looked better. Rubin-esque even."

"I was so tired of that guy. Thought like I married my mother. Not that I... thought about that."

"Oh, that. I just thought it would be mean."

"Seriously, you'll never going to be able to eat cake again."

"Imagine that. Life without cake."

"Gonna address the minions a bit. Excuse me."

"Listen up Grimlys! Crash Bandicoot is on his way! No games, no foolishness. Find him and destroy him!"

"Destroy him, for real. No death traps that take ten flipping hours."

"And guess what? Little Uka there is looking hungry..."

"Yes yes, revenge. I'm not the one in the milking machine, milky... magoo. Cortex out!"

"I can't believe you dimtwits are trying to ruin my plans again!"

"Seriously. Don't you have lives? Get a hobby! Woodworking, or crocheting, something!"

"Good. I want to settle this, man-to-mutant!"

"I'm going to beat you Crash, with my bare hands!"

"Stop laughing, I'm serious! I'm going to slap some bandicoot!"

"Oh, did I forget to mention I was going to cheat?"

"I've got some of N.Brio's mutation formula here to even the odds."

"Bleugh, eugh, tastes like peppermint bath! Hmm, there's a hint of..."

"It's not fair, it's not fair!"

"I want to win, it's MY turn! Been trying for flipping years!"

"Oh no, what did I do? Where are my pants?"

"It was you! Ugh, no time to deal with that now. Disgusting freak!"


"Advantage: Cortex!"



"Another win for Cortex!"

"Vertical ascent!"

"As expected."

"I'm back, baby!"

"Let's try a different beat,"

"I cannot be contained."

"Did someone call a doctor?"

"It's my celebration too!"

"You never had a chance!"

"The doctor is in!"

"Doctor works with everything."

*eating noises* mmm, yes.


"I am the future!"

"Got it!"

"Defy gravity!"

"You can hear me growing smarter!"

"Ha ha!"


"Detecting instability!"

"Make way, for science!"

"It's just a matter of mind!"


(devious) "Muahahahaha!"

"Neo Cortex."


"No brain, no gain!"


"Oh yeah."


"Patience is not my virtue!"


"Ooh. Who knew you could improve on perfection?"

"Playtime is over!"

"Such unbridled power!"

"If you're looking to make your Imaginators more powerful, you have come to the right place!"

"Rise to my level!"

"And when you want to put your mind to learning some secret Sorcerer techniques, you just say so!"


"You want to see power?"

"And I, of course, posess a highly classified, supremely secret, scientifically approached, technique. Just for Sorcerers!"

"Float like a point, sting like an integer!"

"You can't stop progress!"

"Surrender to Cortex!"

"The tables have turned!"

"How do you like THEM apples?!"

"My time is valuable!"


"Woo hoo!"

"Let's get those Imaginators ready for total world domi- I mean awesomely heroic do-gooding... and stuff."



"If you must..."

"Time for your shot!"


"At last!"

"The fathomless rhythmic energies of Wumpa Island itself shall power my Cortex Matrix Chamber, and create an unstoppable army of loyal minions!"

*fly scream*

"And this time, none of my stupid henchmen will be around to ruin it for me!"

"What have you done, to my beautiful machine..."

"Muahahaha hahaha!"

"Ow, ow!"

"20 years of meticulous planning! Preparations and machinations have all built to this single moment!"


"Activision presents... A smashing blast from the past!"

"Developed by Vicarious Visions!"

"And developed by Vicarious Visions!" (from media only)


"It's Crash Bandicoot!"

"Moron! This bandicoot will be my general and he will lead my Cortex Commandos to world domination!"

"This time I shall reign triumphant!"

"We are closer than ever before! Quickly... into the Vortex! Failure again! Capture him! Prepare the female bandicoot..."

"Darn you Crash Bandicoot!"


"It's Crash Bandicoot 2: Cortex Strikes Back!"

"Hahahaha... Crystals... Of course! D'oh!"

"Well well well, if it isn't Crash Bandicoot. Welcome. I apologize for the crude means used to bring you here, but I'd rather expect a written invitation would've been turned down. I need your help. Surrounding you are a series of 5 doors. Through each door lies a well hidden crystal. The crystals look like this. Bring me the crystals Crash. That is all I will say for now. We will speak again."

"No no no Crash! I said bring me the crystals! Now get back in there."

"No no no Crash! To save the world I need crystals. Crystals! One more time, they look like this. Crystals Crash! Go back through one of those doors and bring me crystals!"

"Look up at the doorways." *noise* "There is a big crystal-shaped slot. Fill all 5 crystal slots in this warp room by retrieving one crystal from each of the 5 areas. Only after we have filled all of the slots in this room can we continue on our quest. This is the last time I remind you."

"Well done Crash. I knew I could rely on you. Now listen carefully. These holograms are hard to maintain. During the course of my intellectual pursuits I have stumbled across a force that threatens to destroy the world. The crystals are the only means of containing it. The fate of the world is at stake. It is imperative therefore that you bring them to me."

"Three crystals. Not bad. I see you are getting the hang of it. I need to conserve power. I will communicate with you again after you retrieve the fifth crystal."

"Listen up. We are not without enemies. Some of them you may even recognize. Although they cannot harm you inside this warp room, they CAN attack you on the way to the next one. To get to the next warp room, use the platform that appears in the center of the room. Good luck."

"Hahahaha. I see that Ripper Roo failed to prove much of a challenge yet again. But back to business. There are crystals to be gathered, twenty to be exact. The planets will align shortly, all 13 of them, and this will create a power great enough to rip the Earth apart. Properly utilized however, the crystals can absorb and contain the energy."

"10 of 25 Crystals. You're on your way. I'm running low on power so communication from this point will be difficult." *noise* "Remember, I'm counting on you."

"Good show Crash! The Komodo brothers obviously lacked your mettle. But now's not the time to get cocky. There are still many crystals to obtain. Remember, the world is counting on you."

"Crash, my boy. You are more than halfway there. But I'm sure you've noticed that things are getting harder. The last ten crystals will be the hardest to gather and my... OUR enemies will be sending their strongest forces to thwart you. I'll contact you again when you have completed the next warp room."

"Crash, I have discovered that the opposition is being masterminded by Dr Nitrus Brio, the inventor of the Evolvo Ray. Brio was responsible for our... misunderstandings in the past. He forced me to assist him in his plot for world domination, and he's at it again. He will attempt to stand in our way. Be on your guand Crash." *noise* "Deliver the crystals to N.Gin!"

"Argh! What is your problem Bandicoot?! I will not ask you again to bring me the crystals! Obtain the remaining 5 crystals Crash and bring them to ME!"

"Hahahahahahaha! Yes! My plan is nearly complete. And I have you, Crash Bandicoot, to thank for it. N.Gin! What's happening?! What's that? Is she stealing our signal?"

"N.Gin you fool! She's telling him everything! Ah, yes, we're... We're back now. Pardon the... interruption. Crash, bring me crystals!"

"You haven't seen the last of me, Crash Bandicoot!"


"It's Crash Bandicoot: WARPED!"

"Great Uka Uka! It was that infernal bandicoot."

"I know we've had a few unfortunate... setbacks..."

"Crash Crash Crash... Why must you always muck in my mud? Oh look, I have a mask helping me too! We will find out which one is more powerful soon enough!"

"Who? What? Where was I? Oh. Tiny was a good fellow. He hated everyone and everything, but a good heart, nonetheless. Please be more reasonable with my minions next time."

"Well you've crashed a few parties before, but I never expected you to make it this far. If you don't turn back-"

"Crash, Coco, you must realize that this Time Twister Machine is very delicate! Without Dr N.Tropy's constant care and control, who knows what it will do?"

"It's funny how history repeats itself. Yet again, N. Gin has failed to defeat you. *cough* Oh, my aching head! I'm not feeling myself these days. So, the end is in sight. Gather another 5 crystals and again you will have foiled my plan... or will you?"

"Hahahahaha... I'm sorry. This is the part where I'm supposed to be angry. Full of rage. Incensed beyond belief. Once again, you have outsmarted and outspun my best henchmen. I should be rather upset, shouldn't I?"

"Defeated again! This is not fair! Maybe I should retire to a nice, big beach with a nice, big drink. And a woman with nice, big... bags of ice for my head."


"Here you go!"

"This was just an experiment."

"No, my head!"

"No way!"

"Oh my!"

"Out of my way!"

"This was planned all along."

"I'm the superior one!"

"Take that!"

"How do I get into these situations?"

"The trophy's mine!"

"I'm an evil scientist, what did you expect?"